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So much time running after toddlers, so many dirty diapers, so many, “I’m hungry’s!”, so many cries of “I need Momma now”.
So much.
I know I’m not the only one who feels it. Somehow that doesn’t make it any better.
Some days I just want to crawl into a hole with my phone (or better yet, just a pillow and blanket) for about 5 hours and let the world disappear.
Some days I just need a really really big break from my kids, my messy house, from my always-there, getting-more-challenging work.
From everything.
But I hate the idea of complaining. I hate the fact that I feel guilty for even thinking about a break. I hate that sometimes what I think doesn’t always align with what the Church teaches about being a mother.
But then I think, what actually does the Church teach about being a mother? Do I even know?
I get my Bible out, one I probably haven’t touched in a while. I’m not proud of that fact. But it’s the truth.
All I find is how children should treat their parents (with respect, obedience, hear and listen, look after them) and of course, passages about our dear Mother Mary, who is a true source of wisdom and grace in motherhood.
I look a little further (the good ole world wide web helped me with Scriptural direction) to find Titus 2:4-5, which says “so that they may train younger women to love their husbands and children, to be self-controlled, chaste, good homemakers, under the control of their husbands, so that the word of God may not be discredited.” This command is given to older women to teach the younger women of these things.
Proverbs also allude to discipline in a couple different of places. “He who spares the rod hates his son, but he who loves him takes care to chastise him.” Proverbs 13:24.
Helpful?
Well, I have figured out few things a mother should provide: love and discipline, be a good homemaker, have good virtue.
Okay, great. But not exactly what I was looking for. I want to know specifics.
So I dig out my Catechism, a book that holds all the wisdom of tradition in its pages.
The one book that I fail to pick up when I need answers to some of life’s most challenging questions.
As I start searching, I come across another purpose of motherhood, faith being professed and witnessed.
“The Christian Family is called to be a community of faith, hope, and love in an environment of prayer. Aided by a number of other virtues, such as prudence, justice, fortitude, and temperance, the family that practices them begins to actualize its spiritual calling as a domestic church… It is then an icon of the Trinity.” –United States Catholic Catechism for Adults, pg 377.
Whoa! I don’t know about you, but that is incredible. I knew the domestic church and family was uber important, but to be held to that high level of expectation is a little overwhelming.
It also reminded me that the family is Holy because God’s grace is forever at work. So true.
I read on and see the responsibility to provide for their every need, whether it be mental, physical, emotional, whatever.
It’s really hard to care for all the needs of tiny humans. What a huge responsibility!
As a mother, I also need to live out my faith, teach them to pray, how to make Christ-centered decisions.
All aspects I hadn’t considered before.
Let’s recap. My motherhood role includes the following actions:
I think I can do that.
But it still wasn’t quite what I was searching for.
I was hoping that the Bible and the Catechism would tell me exactly how to parent my children. What discipline would work best; what sleeping arrangement is best?
I should have known better.
There is more than one way to skin a cat, as they say. And I will conclude there is more than one way to parent your child effectively with Christ-centered influences.
In a way, it’s a huge relief.
Because then I don’t feel so bad about wanting to be away from my children at times. That if I am providing them all of the above necessities as a mother, my job is 95% fulfilled. That it’s okay to spend a little time by myself, for myself, to be with God and rejuvenate.
And the 5% of the guidance that my children don’t get from me now, they will always get from their Heavenly Father.
Because I will resolve to do my very best as a Catholic mother to teach them all I know about our faith and Church and to always point them to a personal relationship with our Lord.
Lord willing, He will give me the graces to continue to be that kind of mother for my children.
Thank you, Jesus, for the gift of my children, and the gift of motherhood.
I think I can handle that “much” right now.
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Hi thank you for informing us on motherhood.
Just wondering if u know what type of duties catholic mothers and wives need to fulfill?
I have 4x school children and I’m blessed to be the stay at home mum. Wow so much chores 😆 but I still feel like I’m a maid cleaning up everyone’s things. Which they do help out when they are at home. My husband works two jobs too.
Do u have any ideas of what duties as a mother and wife need to do as a catholic?
Thank you
Hi Monique! I believe when I wrote this it was from a Catholic lens, drawing from the Bible and the Catechism. While modern motherhood may look slightly different, I believe that the duties are the same. We are commanded to love, respect, and honor our husbands, to submit ourselves to them.
Perhaps you are wondering instead where your children can take some responsibility. I think that depends on their age and what they are able to do, and what you have taught them how to do. It may be helpful to have a chore list for each child, and offer a small reward when the list is complete. It may be helpful for them to become competent in the skills of picking up and cleaning up after themselves so that they are confident to do so when you ask them to help. It might also be helpful for you family and children to understand how important contributing to the family is by helping to clean up, clean the house, do household chores, etc.
I would sit down with my husband and discuss it, and then come up with a simple plan to implement. It is part of your job as a mother to pass on life skills to your children.
*This is all my opinion, and hopefully it can help steer you in the direction you would like to go!*
This is a beautiful reflection. Thank you.
Thank you, Mary! I really appreciate that!