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It’s officially in the 8th month of pregnancy with my third child. I have a two-year-old and a one-year-old currently, and life does not sit still for us.
For as long as pregnancy often feels, the time has gone by quite quickly, as I feel I am not quite there in terms of ready to be a family of 5.
But really, who is ever ready for that kind of change until it actually happens?
I am tired most of the time, maybe getting the appropriate amount of rest about 2 times a week. It’s even worse during the winter because my toddlers have been snotty nosed and coughing, making sleep difficult for them as well.
Naps are usually not an option, but when they are, I feel the need to work on my blog and online business. Priorities will need to change later, but for now, I want to get ahead while I can.
My body is about as limber as it usually is, though my feet always feel stiff, my back aches 85% of the time, and again, the lack of good long sleep plagues me!
I am drawing closer to our Lord a little bit more each day, as I wrestle with the idea of caring for 3 young children. While I am still sick of people telling me I’m crazy for having kids this close together, I know that God has plans for us and this is part of his plan.
I am learning to trust these plans, as hard as my controlling nature makes it. Often, I have to ask God to work through me on days when I feel like I have nothing left to give. Some weeks it feels like every day I am asking this.
Emotions? These have been quite raw and present for the last few months. It doesn’t take much for me to have an all-out bawl. Sometimes for a really good reason, sometimes for a reason that I can’t even adequately explain.
At times, I feel a little bit unsupported in my decision-making process with having a home birth. I also feel like I have to be emotionally strong for everyone around me.
While these emotions can be inaccurate, as I know myself to make situations more dramatic, they are still something to acknowledge as a first step in making a change.
There were so many wonderful things about transitioning from one child to two. Experiencing the joys and love of a newborn with a toddler celebrating with you was very special. I can only imagine how having two exciting toddlers loving on a newborn might feel.
And we can add moving in a few short months on that list, too. We have sorely outgrown our little two-bedroom house!
My fears have been exploding and magnifying the more children I have. I’m sure that’s normal, but not great or promising to emotional stability.
I’m not quite sure what to expect, but here’s what I imagine:
Along with all the crazy, there is always the blessings and excitements of a new baby. I am determined to focus on these as much as possible.
Another excitement of mine is choosing to have this child at home. It will be a different and new experience, but one I am looking forward to. Birth to me should be peaceful, intimate, and as comfortable as possible. Those were not adjectives I would use to describe my other births.
I will update you on how it really was, but that’s what I am hopefully going to experience.
In conclusion, there are many things to look forward to and many challenges to anticipate. But I know one thing. No matter what happens with my online business, with my aspirations, I will always have the privilege of raising my children. That job is the most important.
Praying for all of you in similar situations, that you might be at peace with a busy house and a heart aching for adult conversation. I am totally there, and you got this!
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