Relationship Breakdown During Pregnancy

Some people notice their marriage is different than normal during their pregnancy.

I’m sure it can go both ways. If it’s your first child, lots of times the love and care factors are more present.

The, “Oh Honey, let me get those groceries for you!” and “you look really good when you are pregnant” are more common.

For your second child and on, it’s more like: “You’ll be okay, won’t you?” and “I just rubbed your feet last night” (insert eye roll)

Let me break something down for you. Pregnancy is not glamorous (nor is marriage, for the record).

While some women feel great or normal-ish during their pregnancy (I am actually blessed to be one of those women), others feel about as attractive as the bottom side of the toilet.

I can say this with certainty, though. I’m sure I change during pregnancy, but for the most part, my marriage operates about the same way during pregnancy.

Please, let me explain.

5 Ways My Marriage Doesn’t Change During Pregnancy

#1: I am still tired

As long as I keep having children, I’m sure this sentiment will never go away.

When they’re young, they never sleep, so you don’t either. When they’re older, they try to find the cleverest ways possible to get into bed with you, so you still don’t sleep. As teenagers, you worry about who their friends are and what they are doing at midnight on a Friday.

Just accept it, you will never get your sleep back now that you’re a parent.

Of course, it only worsens as a pregnant woman. One of the perks of carrying that precious baby is the extreme tiredness it brings along with it.

And the reality that you can’t nap because one of your other darlings is usually awake. I wish I could say that I feel joy about that, but many days that is the straw that breaks my spirit. Mama just wants a little nap!

My husband sometimes complains that I go to bed too early. I tell him there is only so long I can be awake. After that point, my body just shuts down and says, go to bed! What a beautiful relief that feeling is.

Now for the kids to sleep all night…

Relationship with Husband During Pregnancy

#2: I still only want to be touched at certain times

Hormones. Am I right?

What is it about them that can wreak havoc on everything, including our libido? I don’t rightly know, but hormones are a powerful factor when it comes to desiring intimacy with my husband.

On top of that, our love-making times are extremely limited, anyway. On the 13% chance that I actually want to, we usually do (the number might lower to 10%, but we make it work).

Those other times are literally like, I don’t really want you to touch me or even look at me the wrong way. Or else.

I’m sorry, babe, I don’t even know how to communicate those times to you in a gentle way. It’s just no.

#3: I still get moody

Oh, yes, the moods. I feel like I am all over the place during pregnancy. When I was teaching, my poor students would just look at me like I was crazy. I even had one student tell me she figured I was pregnant because I was a beast during that time. Ouch!

Does pregnancy cause mood swings?

This is a popular question among pregnant women. The answer is a resounding yes. The proof is here!

With all the changes in hormones shifting and adjusting to accommodate a growing baby and body, it can be a struggle.

The moodiness also comes from the emotions that you get when you start thinking about 1) buying car seats and other big baby products, 2) all the great snuggles you’ll get from that new baby, and 3) sadness that your other kids are growing up too fast.

The list goes on and on. Thankfully, there are some practical ways to help yourself when this happens.

#4: I still fight with my husband

On a good week, we might have one or two disagreements. That’s just the nature of most marriages, I think. We are usually good about sorting those disagreements out soon or within a couple of days.

I don’t think we ponder over them that long, it’s just that we forget about them until the dispute might come up again. Then we address it and figure out what to do differently in the future.

Fighting with husband during pregnancy

It doesn’t matter who is right or who started it. The fact is that it still happens. At least twice a week. It could be worse during pregnancy.

My husband and I have never been the type to all-out yell at each other, but we can get pretty worked up. The scenario usually ends with either him or I shutting down and not saying anything, leaving the other frustrated and not knowing what to do.

I can say I would like to have a marriage with no struggles, but then I would be crazy to think that. It’s part of learning how to live together with grace and to get each other to heaven. I wouldn’t have it any other way.

#5: I still want foot rubs and the dishes done and the house cleaned

For certain, this desire will never go away.

I am a person who operates by the acts of service love language. There is nothing more sexy to me than a man who does the dishes and laundry without being told and without complaining.

Usually, I can ask once or twice and it will be done. My level of productivity seems to go down when I am pregnant, especially during the early and late days. It seems my body just always feels, “bleh” no matter how good I eat or what ginger ale I drink. That’s just the nature of pregnancy and hormones. Yay, babies!!

Does Pregnancy Affect Your Marriage?

Pregnancy can affect your relationship with your husband, either in good or bad ways.

I have just accepted that the realities of life are going to get in the way of your relationship whether you are pregnant or not. Just be aware of the extra cool things your body is doing during pregnancy that might throw you off a bit. Or a lot.

That’s okay to be like that if you can’t help it. You are growing a beautiful baby inside of you!

Embrace all the messiness that comes along with it. Use the time you are in conflict with your husband to also get to know him better and be more sensitive to his needs as you become more in need of his help.

Trust me, the craziness of life won’t get any better once that baby is in the world!

It will get much much better because you have another little human to love!

That rounds out my list. How bad does your marriage get when you are pregnant? Or how good?