Have you ever wondered why you are so unhappy? And why everyone else you know is happy? Have you searched for happiness in empty and useless things, only to realize that it was causing the opposite effect in your life?

It’s probably safe to say that most of us have acted this way in our lives. In high school and college, I was the kind of girl who was so obsessed with scoping out boys that I failed to find happiness in the simple things.

Not that I dated anybody, but I was in love with the idea of being in love. I would pick one or three guys that I had a crush on, save pictures of them from the newspaper, silently and critically watch them when I was around them, and try not to talk to them for any reason (I might give away my feelings!)

What I learned (and not so quickly) what that it was a useless waste of time. It did me no good, it kept me from finding true happiness in life, and it clouded my judgment more times than not when making certain life decisions.

If you are struggling with something similar, I hope to help you with my advice on how to NOT find happiness.

Don’t Do These Things if You Want to Be Happier!

#1: Focus on material goods and possessions

There are a certain amount of good and possessions that we need in order to survive. Chances are, that number is much lower than what we really think. What is really necessary for living? Water, food, shelter, and clothing. That’s pretty much it.

The problem is we rely on how many clothes and shoes we have. We think having the Internet and cable television is necessary. We put our hopes for happiness on materials and possessions that will ultimately fade away when Jesus comes again.

Not giving you an Apocalypse talk, but really think about it. Jesus came to teach us how to have a relationship, how to love one another fully, and how to get to heaven. How many times did He advise us on the best duvet for your bed?

I think it would be great if He did, but that’s not a heavenly priority. And it shouldn’t be our priority either.

Set your mind on the things above, not on things that are on the Earth  -Colossians 3:2

#2: Buy everything you “think” you need for the high of it

I used to be addicted to shopping. Not in the sense that I would go out and spend all my money on clothes and shoes. In the sense that I desired all of the clothes and shoes and accessories that would make me look good, feel good, and be good.

That’s what all the clothing companies sell you, isn’t it?

Now I’m not putting a bad stock on the fact that being well-dressed is desirable and attractive. I still appreciate a cute outfit and darling shoes. I just don’t obsess over the next item I can buy in order to achieve that. Instead, I am a lot more level-headed about when I can buy something, and if it’s really necessary.

Most times it’s not necessary, and most times I don’t really want what I thought I wanted. The pleasure that comes from buying things (whether it be clothes, furniture, jewelry, home goods, or whatever suits your fancy) is most definitely a fleeting desire. Yes, you will feel good for about 2 hours after buying it. Chances are, after that good feeling goes away, the critical side with come in and eat you up. It will bombard you with questions like:

Why did I buy this again?

Does this dress make me look fat?

Oh, shoot, this painting doesn’t match my sofa like I envisioned it would!

In those cases, turn around and return the item. It will save you some unneeded stress.

Then He said to them, “Beware, and be on your guard against every form of greed; for not even when one has an abundance does his life consist of his possessions.”  -Luke 12:15

#3: Make rash decisions

I am the type of personality that likes to do things on a whim. I like to be spontaneous and see where it goes. Often, that includes major and minor decisions in my life.

The problem here is that when I make rash decisions on important things in my life, everything around me suffers. It is apparent just how quickly it takes effect, too.

For example, once I decided to pull a chair out from under a student because he was not behaving during a movie we were watching. I had a flash of anger, and in that anger, I made one of the stupidest decisions I could have made in terms of that student. I went and apologized profusely to him later, but that couldn’t erase the damage that had been done in that moment of a rash and utterly stupid decision-making.

Making rash decisions about anything has the potential to rip those things apart. Your relationships, your bank account, your home, your vehicles. The list could go on and on.

There are obvious situations and lines of work in which the ability to make a quick decision is necessary, like being an EMT or police. Yet they still teach you to make those rash decisions with the best judgment possible.

When we spend time in mulling over a potential decision and weighing out the possibilities and downfalls, we make calmer and wiser decisions.

You can see how this could affect your wellbeing and peace in life.

The wisdom of the sensible is to understand his way, But the foolishness of fools is deceit.  -Proverbs 14:8

#4: Use emotions and feelings to make decisions

This idea ties in very closely with the one above. Most likely, a rash decision will be made in that feeling of anger, sadness, joy, exhilaration, etc. Again, refer to the story I just told. A terrible decision made in a fit of anger.

I struggle with this a lot. Our culture struggles with this a lot. It’s not at uncommon to hear the sickening accolades of “you do you, boo” and “listen to your heart”.

When the culture encourages its people to do what they want when they feel like it, that breeds a lot of bad decision-making. Additionally, it breeds regret, guilt, anger, and other negative emotions as consequences of those decisions.

I am going to share something quite personal. My husband and I had a difficult time staying pure before our marriage. Every time we were together we set ourselves up for doing everything but consummating our love. We relied on our emotions and desires to be with each other, and let that drive our time together.

Instead, we could have spent time talking, praying together, going out in public where the risk of temptation was far less.

We could have spent time preparing for marriage, rather than trying to get a taste of what marriage should be like.

We grew from that experience as a couple, but those decisions will always be ones that linger at the back of our minds. The guilt will always be close when we think of that experience. It was ridiculous at how our feelings clouded our judgment all the time.

Be careful of basing your life decisions on your emotions. Emotions can be a beautiful thing, and they are natural reactions our body has in different situations. But don’t use them as your sole reasons for doing something. Use the will of God, and your head to make sensible decisions.

As you might well know, many emotion-based decisions can and will affect the rest of your life.

The heart is more deceitful than all else. And is desperately sick; Who can understand it?

-Jeremiah 17:9

#5: Expect unrealistic things

I will admit yet again, I struggle with this aspect, too. There is something good about expecting a lot from people, and yet something that is destructive about it.

They always told me to “expect a lot from your students, and they will surprise you”.

Yes and no.

First, I must be able to expect the appropriate things from my students. Oftentimes, I expected them to be able to perform at a collegiate level when they were clearly still in high school. Other times I expected them to know what I knew when they had never been introduced to that concept.

Secondly, it was much easier to expect good things from students who parents also expected good things from them. They already lived by the notion of living up to other people’s expectations, and therefore could apply the same principles to my classroom. On the other hand, it seemed that all to often, students who were a nuisance at home to their parents didn’t know how to be otherwise for their teacher.

It’s sad, really, and yet we are faced with these situations at home, at work, at school, in many areas of our lives.

How do we go into situations with realistic expectations?

I think the key is to realize we are all humans who make mistakes. We all fall and do silly things and struggle to get back up. It is nice to know what is expected of us, but we also want to know it will be okay if we do mess up.

That’s what so loving about our Heavenly Father. Every morning He gives us mercy, a new chance to do better. His expectations of us are high because He loves us, and yet He still offers us a hand every time we fall.

That is so beautiful I am thinking about crying. Just reread that and let it sink in a bit.

Now go and show mercy, no matter your expectations!

For judgment will be merciless to one who has shown no mercy; mercy triumphs over judgment.

-James 2:13

#6: Dream with no manageable goal in sight

I’m going to be bold in saying that I don’t think we were created to just chill out on Earth and not try to achieve things in life. God clearly gave us brilliant minds to develop, incredible bodies that basically run themselves, and souls with which to discern and learn with.

Wow. So how are we going to use these incredible gifts?

Dream, allow the desires that God puts in your heart to become a reality. How do we do this?

First, you must know the difference between God-given desires and desires of the flesh.

An example of a God-given desire would be to have children.

An example of a fleshy desire would be lust, greed, and gluttony. Quite a few of the 10 Commandments warn against desires of the flesh.

I am learning more and more that having goals in life to develop myself spiritually, mentally, and physically is really helpful in creating a better person. My goal in life is to become the best version of myself that I possibly can and to become a holy person (either in this life or the next).

Then, I think about how I can do that, and how God would approve of how I do that. I make goals. Set up realistic and manageable ways to reach those goals. I learn and I move on to the next goal in life.

Not everyone will make it Heaven just on a whim. I want to be sure that I am doing everything possible to better myself for the Kingdom. This includes being open and willing to accept the grace and love of our Father that will give me the will to keep going.

We must run and live in a way that we may win eternal life, and bettering ourselves is part of that

Do you not know that those who run in a race all run, but only one receives the prize? Run in such a way that you may win. -1 Corinthians 9:24

Side note: Please don’t take my view as a works-only salvation. I understand, recognize, and proclaim that Jesus is my Savior and that without Him, I can do nothing. I am simply proclaiming the power of grace as well as works in this section. See James 2:20.

#7: Complain and be ungrateful

This may be one of my pet peeves: listening to others complain. It’s a pet peeve for a lot of people. It also is something that a lot of people naturally resort to when life is going downhill.

You know, I get that life is going to be not fun. I get that bad and crazy and stupid things are going to happen to you. But here’s the catch.

How you react and allow the situation to affect you matters. You can decide to be positive or negative about any situation. The difference between seeing things as a curse or as a blessing is huge!

Many times I have been stuck in traffic, usually behind a big-rig. I start off being ungrateful and frustrated, thinking I was the unlucky one who got stuck here. Then I switch my thought process. I think of that semi-truck as a guardian of the road, potentially protecting me from a crazy driver(s) or hazards on the road.

It sounds silly, and most times it doesn’t even make sense. But I found a way to turn a traffic situation into a positive outlook by just thinking differently.

There are so many life happenings that can be looked at in a different, more thankful way. When we see that the sorrows of life are God’s way of inviting us to turn to Him, we can hopefully see those situations through a new lens.

Being ungrateful and dwelling on the evil in the world is exactly what Satan wants us to do; it’s how he hooks us into his lair of deceit and unhappiness.

In everything give thanks; for this is God’s will for you in Christ Jesus. –1 Thessalonians 5:18

#8: Be closed to God’s will for your life.

This, I think, is the root of all unhappiness. If we are not willing to accept the will of another for our lives, it is difficult to dwell in happiness all of our lives.

Truth be told, all our earthly lives will not be happy anyway. But God, above everyone else, knows you and understands your desires beyond anything you can imagine.

Trust that His will is the best thing for your life. Yes, He gave you free will to alter from that plan whenever you want, but it usually leads down that wide and well-traveled road of ultimate sorrow and pain.

And yes, you will be impatient and frustrated and pleading at the timing of for His will at times. It’s part of the beauty (and pain) of life.

Just remember that He invites us to be with Him every day. And that He loves each one of us as if there were only one of us. (A awesome quote from St. Augustine)

Instead, be open to His wonderful, adventurous, truly life-changing will for your life. You will not be sorry.

…that you may stand perfect and fully assured in all the will of God. -Colossians 4:12

The Key to Unhappiness

There are many ways in which we can dwell in unhappiness for the rest of our lives. But who wants to do that?

Ultimately, loving and serving God by becoming the best versions of ourselves through Him is the best way to find happiness in life.

This includes finding the positive in life, being open to God’s plan, setting personal goals for your life, being realistic and not making quick decisions, and focusing on heavenly things.

I hope these ways helped you realize parts of your life that may be suffering from one of these things.

Again, being faithful servants to God is the only true path to lasting happiness. I believe that with my whole heart. I hope you do, too.

What draws you into unhappiness? How do you fix it?

*all verses acquired from Bible Hub, New American Standard Version*